We have all been programmed to be strong and to take that strength to new depths every day in order to create the perfect and ultimate happy life. We are continuously bombarded with a social surge of optimism through social media, television, and the written word with the top 10 happiness tips that I see on a regular basis, and repeated over and over again:
- be true
- be positive
- accept yourself
- trust your intuition
- stand up for yourself
- do what is right for you
- know yourself
- find balance
- be accepting
- find your purpose
The message is that if you “do” all of these things and all the time, you will be strong and happy. Sub-consciously, combined and through repetition, they create an expectation that they will provide you with ultimate joy.
I would agree that essentially, that is true. And yet, there is something missing because a lot of people are telling themselves all of these things and yet, they are not reaching their happy place.
The missing piece is the set of tools necessary to be able to do all of those self-affirming things. Here is the thing; “Tips are useless without tools”. And, when we don’t have the tools to achieve all of these wondrous and fulfilling achievements, our pretty little happiness picture shatters and we move into repair mode in order to dig even deeper to find more strength in order to achieve joy. What we create is an endless spiral of sadness.
Worse yet, is that we still don’t have the tools and so, we eventually reach a point when that capacity to be strong runs dry, and we become confused and frustrated. Out of fear, we move into justification, defence and, ultimately, blame, control and resentment. We believe that it can’t be our fault because we did what everyone said; we were strong and we repeated our affirmations every day. So, then why are we feeling like we are still missing something?
Because we agreed with the masses when they said that strength is equated with following all of those positive things on the list above and strength is why we are worthy. “Strength is why we are worthy” – oh dear, we were strong but, we’re not any happier; so, are we not worthy then? And did we fail on the quest to be happy?
Well, of course, we are still worthy but, we did kind of fail on that happiness goal because no one gave us those required tools to achieve what we set out to accomplish. Simply believing positive affirmations is not enough; we must actually find a way to put them into practice. My conclusion is that tips are simply annoying without tools.
So, unlike the type of strength that we have been programmed to believe in, (the kind that comes with the quote by Friedrich Nietzsche, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”, – excuse me while I gag with the thought that I might have to be close to death in order to experience strength or happiness), we really don’t have to go to hell and back in order to find our own unique perspective of joy. With the proper tools, we can discover what all of those tips mean to us as individuals, and then move towards them with a process and plan in place to achieve our bit of bliss.
So, with all of that, I offer you 10 tools, along with those attractive 10 tips, to use together in your quest to achieve clarity of what your unique way of being and doing is, and thus discovering what happiness is to you.
10 tips with tools towards being Daringly Mindfully™ happy.
1. Tip: Be true to yourself
Tool: Take the time to discover what your values are. When you have clarity about what you believe in, you will have the ability to make decisions based on these beliefs. Your values become your guideposts for decision making.
This is self-clarity
2. Tip: Be positive
Tool: Discover who you are at your best, and move towards that person most of the time. This requires being aware of who you are at your worst as well, so that you are able to see yourself going there, and shift before you become engulfed in it and it becomes difficult to climb out.
This is self-compassion
3. Tip: Find Clarity
Tool: When that loud voice creeps up in the back of your head and starts sending you messages that confuse you, give yourself the space to slow down and ask yourself if it is telling you something that is congruent with your values. If not, you will have established what is not right for you; agree with the opposite.
This is self-empowerment
4. Tip: Trust your intuition
Tool: Listen to your physical and emotional messages and determine what they are telling you; they are always right; then bring your brain into play.
This is self-trust
5. Tip: Stand up for yourself
Tool: Create compassionate boundaries around situations and people who don’t share your values; without judgement, have the courage to keep your distance or walk away from them.
This is self-respect
6. Tip: Do what is right for you
Tool: Like old traditions that you don’t resonate with you, discard patterns that don’t serve you well, and create new ones that do.
This is self-love
7. Tip: Know yourself
Tool: Find clarity about what your Inner Purpose Feeling ™ is; “if you could feel one thing every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Once you are clear about how you would optimally like to feel, you will have the ability to choose what you do in any given moment, day or year as you move towards that feeling.
This is self-deserving
8. Tip: Find work/life balance
Tool: Don’t segregate balance into work and life. Discover what balance means to you by incorporating your values into the choices you make consistently in all areas of your life. This will ultimately move you towards your Inner Purpose Feeling ™ and then, what happiness is to you.
This is self-care
9. Tip: Be accepting
Tool: Life is filled with transitions that come with pleasant experiences, as well as, adversity. If you shift from trying to fulfill your own or others’ expectations to managing in the moment and accepting that doing the best you can at any time is enough, you will be providing yourself with the gift of ease and peace.
This is self-worth
10. Tip: Find your purpose or passion
Tool: Combine all the above tools and practice them with all the mindfulness you can find and with daily consistency. Don’t panic if you forget or loose awareness now and then; you are human and impermeable strength does not define your worth; allowing yourself to be whatever you are in the moment will lead you to what you are meant to do and how you are meant to show up in this world. That is what defines you…..and that can change at any time.
This is self-purpose
Diana Reyers offers the Authentic Purpose Plan™ program, both in person and virtually, for individuals, couples and families, as well as, teams within business. To find out if this is a good fit for you or your team, book a complimentary appointment by contacting Diana at DaringlyMindful@gmail.com or 613 449-1293