To Numb Or Not To Numb……

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This week’s intention and assignment on Brene Brown’s e-course was a tough one for me. It was difficult because each component brought up a different piece of my Inner Critic, and I work really hard to keep it managed and in check. Through much practice, I have developed an intuitive response system that is implemented with clarity and decisiveness. So, when I was asked to reflect, define and display what takes me from 0 to 10, I was reminded of all the triggers I carry, and that, if I’m not mindful, can take me to self-doubt; a very uncomfortable place for me.

This week’s intention was:
“I will stay mindful of numbing. I will remember that when I ‘take the edge off’ pain or stress, I take away my own joy. We can’t selectively numb emotion, and I want more joy, meaning and purpose.”

I spent many years blocking pain of any kind; physical, emotional and that which comes from feeling the need to hide my soul. The first part of our assignment asked, “what drives me to numbing’? I know exactly what takes me there and re-visiting my triggers gave me that ‘icky’ feeling in my stomach:

Expectations; mine and others
Chronic Pain
Perception of strength
Over Working
Flat-Belly Beauty
Judgement from others
Indecisiveness/Lack of Clarity
Self-judgement/Needing to be Better/Never enough
Feeling Unworthy
Wanting more Money
To Do Lists/Being in the Busy Club

The second part of our assignment addressed our lifetime developed pattern that enables us to move away from the pain that comes from whatever we are experiencing. That pain or icky feeling is what used to drive me to find whatever I could in order to numb the negative feeling:

Food; eating, dieting
Too much exercise
Needing to be right

Having the courage to face my pain and what message it sends me has supported me to shift from the pattern of avoiding these so called ‘negative’ feelings (sadness, anger, anxiety, unworthiness, etc.) to embracing them by moving through what they have to offer and getting to whatever is on the other side. Part three: moving away from using what numbs me and choosing what truly brings me comfort:

Connecting with those I love
Moving towards balance and ease
Getting enough rest and sleep
Meaningful work
Simplifying things
Walking and Nature
Experiencing gratitude
Eating well
Sharing kindness
Creativity; art, photography, writing
Protecting myself/setting boundaries
Being gentle on myself/providing myself with compassion

I am grateful that I skip part two most of the time, however, I will admit that every now and again I go to old patterns that don’t serve me very well. That, in turn, takes me to another feeling I would rather avoid; the demon of regret. This is when I take a deep breath and slowly absorb what the universe is trying to tell me; most often, it’s just a gentle reminder that I am not perfect, and that’s o.k.

#imperfect #OLCBreneBrown #DaringlyMindful #compassion #leadauthentic

3 thoughts on “To Numb Or Not To Numb……

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