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I have suddenly became aware of my Social Media SuperEgo!!
According to my Enneagram Personality Type, The Helper, my Superego message is “you are good and okay if you are loved by others and are close to them”. In the world of ‘in person’ connections, moving towards this superego message and using it as a guide for my self-worth would take me to co-dependency within my relationships. So, how is this relevant in the world of social media?
This question arose one day as a result of experiencing my ‘icky’ feeling while browsing from one SM stream to the next. I am very in tune with that feeling (it’s the one I discussed in my last post which involved the Arc of Intense Energy created by Tana Heminsley of Authentic Leadership Global Inc.), and in order for me to be true to who I am, I need to listen to that stomach flip in order to assess and manage what is not quite right for me. Ultimately, it means that something is not in line with one or more of my values in that moment, which can quickly move me into that superego mode that creates an equation of unworthiness. If I am able to catch it when it begins, I can slow down and soften my landing and allow that level of ego to dissipate and listen to the real message that is screaming behind it, and shift my behaviour to that of worthiness.
The purpose of social media is being marketed as a way to connect, establish and maintain meaningful relationships, and yet there are times when I feel the motives of some go beyond friendship to self-serving fulfillment; superego. I think that there have been moments when I have gone to that place and something about that just doesn’t feel right for me.
If I think of my online ‘friends’ in terms of meeting my value of personal relationships, my ego can escalate as my relationship value is often compromised. For example, my value of relationships includes the following characteristics among others:
- Experiencing Connectedness
- Providing Clear Communication
- Being Open and Honest
- Sharing Vulnerability
- Being Truthful
- Practicing Integrity
- Providing Respect for Self and Others
What we value is generally what we wish to receive in return. In the real world, we are more apt to choose the people who are in line with our values and practice boundaries around those who are not. In the social media world, we have this option as well but, we have the tendency to invite and accept anyone willing to join our circle as our ego dictates that our goal is to receive as many likes, shares and comments as possible. We have been programmed to believe that the quantity of friends provides us with worthiness, rather than the quality of our engagement with one another. As an example, if we look at all of my characteristics within my value of relationships, it can become greatly compromised if I continuously engage or connect with a ‘friend’ or ‘friends’ and they do not reciprocate in line with those characteristics. This is when that ‘icky’ feeling surfaces and my superego can take the lead creating co-dependent tendencies. Boundaries are needed in order for me to feel comfortable within my virtual circle.
By really listening to what my values tell me, I have learned the following in regards to social media engagement or the lack thereof:
- If I continuously attempt to engage with a ‘friend’ and s/he does not take the time to reciprocate, s/he does not value that connection with me;
- If I take the time to comment on others’ posts, and it is consistently not acknowledged, they do not value communicating with me;
- If I practice being open, honest and vulnerable, and others do not, they do not value sharing their truth with me;
- If I repeat the pattern of ‘liking’, ‘sharing’ and ‘commenting’ with those who consistently ignore me, I am responsible for the hypocrisy of my value of friendship.
Finally, if I lump all of this together and experience the Arc of Intense Energy on a regular basis without shifting the pattern, I am lacking integrity and respect for my self and others as I move towards my superego and follow social media’s created value of relationships rather than my own. So, as you peruse through your feeds today, take note of what you enjoy within who is taking the time to engage with you. If you value their ‘likes’, ‘shares’ and ‘comments’, it is likely that they will value yours. Do you Dare To slow down and put your superego aside to make the time to engage and connect?
#socialmedia #superego #DareTo #LeadAuthentic