The day after ‘Mother’s Day’ I sit and reflect on society’s commitment to honouring someone on one particular day of the year. Whether it be Mother’s or Father’s Day, I question the creation of compartmentalizing one day of the year when it comes to expressing gratitude and love for someone in my life. What have I become if I agree to finding it necessary to carve out a specific day in order to connect or take the time to do something special for someone I love?
Mother’s Day is an occasion that society has designated to honour our moms. Should this be different from all the other days of the year? And is there any genuine value to a gesture that I bestow on my mother because it is expected of me, on a certain day and by the retail powers that be? Because the rest of the world has decided I should send my mother flowers, call her on the phone or give her a gift of some kind, I should feel obligated to do so. It all seems very manipulative and controlling; very ridden with guilt in my mind and I become rebellious not wanting to do anything at all. It just doesn’t sit well with my value of ‘relationship’ and ‘love’.
From my perspective, this is not honouring anyone, but is instead creating a very fake and inauthentic bunch of daughters and sons. With this reality, the table is turned as we mothers see ourselves as individuals feeding into the commercialization of some sort of criteria of love that society has set for our children. We feed into the perpetuation of the cycle of obligation and guilt by expecting our children to step up to someone else’s rules. Who made these rules, and do our children need to adhere to them in order for them to express their love to us, or to be loved by us? Maybe this resonates with you, but not me…
I’ve never been one for conformity, and it has created some controversy in my life. I decided long ago not to defend or justify my beliefs, but rather live or show up true to them. If I were to agree to a system of love that is governed by expectation, I would create a fake belief system that would not be inspired from my heart, but instead, from duty and obligation. I have never wanted my children to love me from the external pressure of guilt one day of the year, but rather to express their love to me from the depths of their souls through genuine LovingKindness, how and when they choose to or, when it felt right for them. I would much rather receive love from my child when s/he chooses, and in their own way, instead of when s/he has been told when and how to do so.
My son called me yesterday morning and we chatted for an hour. I enjoyed the conversation and was grateful that he took the time to connect with me. We talked about deep and meaningful things, but we do that frequently, not just because it is Mother’s Day. My daughter and I went to an art class and embraced the connection created through this mindful experience, but we do these things frequently, not just because it is Mother’s Day. I consider these moments great treasures from my children; gifts of the experience of connection and sharing.
As you move through this day, reflect on how you can extend your gratitude throughout the year in a genuine and authentic way; your unique way, without the expectations of others or your mother herself. She might be surprised when she receives the kind of love you want to share, and when she least expects it. Way more fun for both of you in my mind 🙂
#DaringlyMindfulDiana #leadauthentic #LovingKindness